i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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