He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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