I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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