my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i would punch a child for taco bell
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
