my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I just want to make out with him forever
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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