The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
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my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
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Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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