Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
tequila makes me forget i have legs
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
