I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
