she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
