There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
