Do you still have your period?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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