tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
