im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
