Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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