Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
