At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
