wat bout pragnant strippers??
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
