is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
