like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
