Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
