I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Can Purell be used as lube?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Randomize
