would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Randomize
