i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I love you. Go after that dick
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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