You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
