dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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