i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
