just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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