Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
