I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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