I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
