the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Randomize
