:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
