Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
