I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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