he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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