I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Randomize
