I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
