it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
