well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
