I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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