it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
