perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
