it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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