I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
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