GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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