I just saw a hot homeless man
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
