You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
