i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
