I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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