i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
