Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
