What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
