I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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