You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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