So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
