the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
