I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
