Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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