I seem to have left my pride at pride
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
