Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
