Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize