the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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